The Rose
by tardistraveller10
Summary: A songfic post-Journey's End. The Doctor thinks about Rose as he goes through times with his other companions. The Doctor switches up a bit. Angst!


**Hi guys...This my first songfic as well as my first attempt at writing anything in the Doctor Who fandom (does anybody else live by David Tennant?). Also, just to make sure that no is confused, the Doctors who appear in this fic aren't necessarily in order, so I might switch from 11 to 10 to 9, and so on... Oh, one more thing. Shoutout to you if you can name all the episodes which are mentioned in this story...good luck!**

Disclaimer: I most unfortunately do not own Doctor Who. If I had, neither David Tennant nor Billie Piper would have left the show, and their relationship would have...progressed.

Made for the girl who longed to come back

 _Some say love, it is a river  
That drowns the tender reed  
_He straightened his bow-tie and gazed at River in shock. She'd lied to him...broken her wrist to escape the Angel's grip. His only chance at changing the future to save his companions, gone, vanished, disappeared. River's eyes bored into his. She was brave and she was tough, but she wasn't _her._ Love...yes, he loved River, but he couldn't bring himself to love anyone again, the way he's loved _her_.

 _Some say love, it is a razor  
That leaves your soul to bleed  
_He watched in agony as Donna chattered into the phone.  
"Veena's gone barmy, 'planets in the sky', she says"  
Another one, gone. Her memory wiped, their times, erased. He thought once, long ago, that after the first few times it wouldn't hurt as much. But after _she_ got trapped, all the pain came back. After _she_ left, the pain got a hundred times worse, biting and stinging and clawing at his broken heart.

 _Some say love, it is a hunger  
An endless aching need  
_He embraced her tightly, his fingers brushing the denim of her jacket as her bright pink skirt fluttered in the wind. Seeing her like that, alone and helpless and...and...faceless...it had terrified him. Because he suddenly realized that if she were dead, then he would be too. So he broke the embrace and stood back, drinking in the sight of her, well and alive and happy, her tongue poking out from the side of her mouth and a mischievous sparkle in her big brown eyes, and he decided that he would never let her go, never stop fighting for her, no matter what.

 _I say love, it is a flower  
And you, its only seed  
_He could only watch, as his own self embraced the one thing that he could never have. She gave him one last, fleeting glance, before kissing his other self. And so he walked away and left them together, knowing that if he stayed there any longer, he would take her back and never let her go again. She didn't know why he couldn't finish his sentence. She didn't understand that it was because _I love you_ was a promise. A commitment and a promise that he could never keep.

 _It's the heart, afraid of breaking  
That never learns to dance  
_"The world doesn't end because the Doctor dances"  
He couldn't tell her the real reason that he wouldn't dance with her, as he gazed at her outstretched palm. So he shook his head instead and said something silly about resonating concrete, while trying to tune out _Moonlight Serenade_ . He couldn't tell her that if he danced with her, he's want to hug her and hold her and tell her that he lo...but the words were too dangerous to say out loud, weren't they?

 _It's the dream afraid of waking,  
That never takes the chance  
_He watched in shock as a pregnant Amy and a long haired Rory greeted him. For a strange reason, he found that he couldn't quite bring himself to greet them properly. They had grown up together, found each other, and now here they were about to have a baby. He wondered how his life would change if he was like them. Settling down in a little house, having a family...nah, too domestic. But that wasn't necessary, was it? They could live on the TARDIS and have their own adventure. But then the tiny half smile on his face vanished as he realized that that life would never be possible. And that wasn't because he was too reckless, it wasn't because he was too scared, and it wasn't because he couldn't care for them. It was because _she_ was gone, and he had no one to love in that way any more. So he smiled at Amy and Rory and decided that if he couldn't be happy for himself, he'd be happy for them. After all, if he couldn't live his dream, then maybe he could help them live theirs.

 _It's the one who won't be taken  
Who cannot seem to give  
_His projection image flickered slightly on Darlig Ulv Stranden and he had suppress himself from wiping the tears off of _her_ face. If his hand passed through her, he knew that he would break down as well. And so he'd started the sentence:  
"For what it's worth, Rose Tyler, I l-"  
But the moment had passed, vanished. A moment that had never occurred, a moment that would never come again. And he would never forgive himself. For waiting for so long to say it. Why, oh, why, had he done so? And at the same time, he couldn't forgive himself for nearly saying it. Because giving a part of himself away to the woman who had stolen his heart didn't scare him. It terrified him beyond reason.

 _And the soul afraid of dying  
That never learns to live  
_His body radiated pain but tried his best to quell it as he gazed at _her_ face for the very last time.  
"Too much to drink?"  
To drink. Oh, if only he could tell her.  
"Something like that."  
A minute later, he was stumbling back into the TARDIS, ready to leave, ready to go. It struck him that the minute he'd opened his eyes for the very first time in this body, she'd been the first thing that he'd seen. Shining in all her glory, her brown eyes wide with shock and her golden hair swaying as she shook her head. And he's made sure that the last person he's ever see again was her. And he felt it now. The regret. The regret that despite everything that he had gone through with her. All the times he had, that he had never told her he loved her. He needed to tell her now. He couldn't go without telling her.  
"I don't want to go"  
And then his body burst into torrents of light.

 _When the night has been too lonely  
and the road had been too long,  
_He'd said no to Christina because he was, in all honesty, afraid. Her gray eyes had widened in disappointment that quickly given way to curiosity as she asked why.  
"People have travelled with me and I've lost them. Lost them all. Never again. "  
And so he'd rejected another chance at friendship and happiness. He didn't deserve it after what he'd done to his companions.  
Donna had her memories erased  
Martha had left from shock and her family's trauma  
And _her_. He couldn't say her name, as the familiar aching sensation hit him again, as if his heart was dropping into his feet.

 _When you think that love is only  
for the lucky and the strong,  
_He'd thought, just for a second there, that he had another chance. That maybe there was tiny possibility for him to be happy again, to redeem himself. But then Astrid had plunged over the edge, her blond curls disappearing from view, and he'd chided himself for even thinking that he might save everyone, just once. He didn't deserve anyone else, not after what he'd done to _her_.

 _Just remember in the winter,  
Far beneath the bitter snow  
_"Run, you clever boy, and remember"  
He'd never forget the first time those words were spoken to him. He saved the memory in his heart, determined that he would never forget Oswin and her selflessness. He'd never forget Donna and her spunk. He'd never forget Martha and her resourcefulness. And he'd never, ever, ever, forget _her_ and what he felt for her.

 _Lies the seed that with the sun's love  
In the Spring, becomes _**_The Rose  
_** The words that he'd never dared to say out loud played in his mind as he gazed for the last time at her form.  
"I love you"

 **So how was it? I know it was kinda long, but I wanted to include everything. Constructive criticism is appreciated, but no hate, please. If you like it, I'll do another one with a different song. Please vote if you do like it!**


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